My Experience: Three years on from release Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe talks about captivity and freedom

Three years, nearly to the day, of her release from arbitrary detention in Iran, Nazanin was in Salisbury Cathedral in conversation with The Rt Revd Karen Gorham, Bishop of Sherborne.

On International Women’s Day, Nazanin shared her story with an audience of 900 people and thanked everyone there, and those beyond, for their support throughout their ordeal and for listening to her story.

Nazanin had gone to visit her mum in Iran for Persian New Year in April 2016 with her 22-month-old girl in but was arrested at the airport on her way home and locked up in prison – wrenched from her baby and family.

“They took me away. They told my mum that I would be coming back the next morning, but the ‘next morning’ was about five years later.”

She added: “I was so confused, where was my child?

“I was being separated from her and that was so difficult.

“It was very cruel to do that to a young mother.”

Nazanin was accused of trying to overthrow the Iranian regime and held for nearly six years, most of it in the notorious Evin prison, with some time on furlough.

 

Solitary confinement and faith

Initially Nazanin was put in solitary confinement for nine months. She described how the worst thing in solitary is that you don’t hear anything about your loved ones and are constantly told that no one cares.

“For someone in prison the worst thing to happen is to think that no one is caring for you.

“Solitary confinement is a silent violence… to dehumanize you.”

She explained how in solitary she had to find something to hold on to and that faith was the nearest thing she could find.

“In solitary I was scared. I’d put my head on the pillow and hear my heart beating in my ears and I could never sleep.

“I had nothing except the holy book, and it did help me a lot then.

“But, with the world in the bad place it is now, I am questioning my faith, but I believe in love and humanity and helping others albeit from a different perspective.”

 

Life on the prison ward

After being moved out of solitary to the women’s ward, she said they were able to do various activities such as woodwork, go to the gym, read books, cook and chat.

“It was very strange. It felt like I was free again because I was allowed to talk to people.

“There were books, people, interaction.”

She described how prison was a leveller, no matter what your background, you were all equal – the same rations, the same access to the phone, having to keep the ward in order.

“Everyone accepted we were all equal and the solidarity of helping each other go through what we were going through.”

But, the highlight of open prison was that her mum could bring her little girl to visit, and they were able to play and do little activities, like colouring, or Nazanin would make pancakes for them to eat together.

“She was so tiny and would bring socks or chocolate for me, illegally, and no guard could resist!”

 

Further separation

But as the years went on and their daughter was old enough to start school, Nazanin and Richard made the heart-wrenching decision for her to go back to the UK.

Nazanin said: “That was the hardest decision I have ever made in my life.”

“[Her] visits had been the highlight of my weeks, and when she left, I was so empty.

“‘Luckily’ covid happened and was a distraction, but it was very, very difficult.

“But she kept me going. I’d dream of being together and plaiting her hair.

“I felt I had to do more to stay sane for her and to be a good mother.”

 

Richard’s experience

Her husband Richard joined the talk and said: “From the outside, it is so disorientating. “There’s a confusion and fear.

“I sat on my hands for a couple of weeks. She’d gone on holiday with our baby and been arrested – it made no sense.”

He described his on-going struggle to get information so started a campaign not only to put pressure on the British Government to do more for his wife’s release, but to get the message through that they were fighting for her.

Nazanin said: “If you know people are fighting for your freedom, it gives you hope.”

Richard added: “What gave me hope was the kindness of strangers… we can’t pay back, but we can pay forwards.”

The event helped raise money both for Salisbury Cathedral and Hostage International.

 

Asked why they had chosen Hostage International, Richard said: “Hostage International do two things, they support families stuck in the middle, not in a public way, but by walking alongside and guiding.

“And when people come back, everyone is a bit broken… they are there when you don’t know who to talk to.

“Hostage International is there, walking a profoundly important path.”

 

Release

Nazanin was released alongside Anoosheh Ashoori on 16 March 2022.

“I was put on a plane, but it was bittersweet; when is the next time I will go back to my homeland?

“I can’t explain how it was to come back to my family. I call London home, but I was born in Iran and that is also my home.”

Nazanin had been told by her captors that her imprisonment was due to the long-standing arms debt that the British Government owed to Iran from the 1970s.

“It is very sad that this happened, as it had nothing to do with me – I wasn’t even born when the debt came up – yet I am forced to live in exile.”

 

Experience post release

Nazanin’s experience post release, like many former hostages, has not been straightforward, and she has suffered with stress and PTSD.

“Life post freedom is amazing; you only appreciate freedom when you don’t have it.

“But it has its complications. About one year after release, my body started shutting down. I felt that I had dealt with problems in prison, but there is so much stress and trauma and PTSD going into my body.

“You can’t complain when you are free; there are so many people who are in prison, but there is a lot to complain about around the consequences of what we’ve been through – the finances, the trauma only comes out when you get home – and life is a bit tricky.

“I have found adjusting quite challenging… It took a long time, and it is still a journey.”

 

Thank you

“People have given so much love. I can never thank all the people who gave us presents and letters, some addressed to ‘Nazanin, North London’!

“It has been so overwhelming and part of me can’t handle the level of kindness and I will never be able to thank everyone individually.

“I want people to know that I am really grateful.”

 

Images ©Salisbury Cathedral

March 2025