My experience: I wanted to hold a memorial for my dad to highlight the wonderful man he was

David Haines, a humanitarian worker, was among 26 hostages captured in Syria by Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (ISIL) in 2013, before being murdered in September 2014. His daughter, Bethany, was 16 at the time, and here tells of her wish – a decade on – to celebrate the life of her dad and of other hostages, including those who were released.

The first memorial for my dad, and the other Syrian hostages, was held in October 2104 but it was a complete blur. I gave a eulogy, but I think I disassociated and can barely remember it at all.

Now, ten years on, I want to hold a proper ceremony for my dad that celebrates his life around what he was really like, as well as to remember all the other hostages. The last memorial was so hard, the street outside had been packed with journalists and media, and, sadly, it stirred up hate at the local mosque, so this time I’ve invited the Imam from our local mosque. We want to make it clear that none of what happened is about religion and that we, as a family, don’t think like that; it was bad men doing bad things.

As the Quran says: “Whosoever kills an innocent human being, it shall be as if he has killed all mankind, and whosoever saves the life of one, it shall be as if he had saved the life of all mankind.”

I want people to remember my dad for who he really was – not how he died. He was funny, the life of a party, would cheer anyone up, was great with kids, so goofy and not caring what people thought when he was mucking about. But he also taught me to stand up for what I believe in, to be honest, and to stand by your family.

For the memorial, I wanted to have a collection for a charity and Hostage International seemed like the right fit as without them I probably wouldn’t be here.

Their psychiatrist, David Alexander, initially got me out of a really bad time in my life and helped me remember that it wasn’t me who had died and that I have a life to get on with. They also encouraged me to get in touch with the daughter of another hostage, whose dad had also been killed in the same way as mine, and while we don’t talk all the time, we have each other. Even though what we have been through is sad, we can support each other.

When I discovered Hostage International, it was as if a whole new door was opening, and they continue to support on anything and everything – from mental health through to more practical things.

They acted as an intermediary with government, which took a huge weight off my shoulders, but have also been a constant support throughout.

They accompanied me to the United States for the trial and sentencing of IS members, El Shafee Elsheikh and Alexander Kotey, who had been involved in the murder of my dad and other hostages. I was terrified about having to sit through the trial in Virginia, just me and in another country, but having Lara made it bearable.

Lara, a former lawyer and the CEO of Hostage International, is my caseworker who was with me for the first week. Seeing those men in court was such a shock and I got so upset when I heard my dad’s name, but Lara helped me to understand the court system; what was happening, even where to sit or where and when to go for a break. She also helped me with my victim statement, which I had been worried about writing as I was so angry. I had someone on my side who I could freely speak to and who got my emotions, helped talk me down when I got angry and was there to comfort me when I was upset.

I also had police family liaison officers with me throughout the trial whose support came to an end at the end of the trial, but Hostage International continues to be there for me.

Lara will also be accompanying me to the trial of another suspect in France next year, which is a huge weight off my shoulders as I would have regretted not going. I’m hoping that it will help give me the opportunity to find some closure.

For Dad’s memorial I’m hoping that we will raise money for Hostage International. One person said that it’s sad that there is the need for such a charity, and while that may be true, Hostage International has the knowledge and expertise in these matters, and you can trust them on everything.

The memorial for David Haines, will take place on 27 October 2024 at 2pm at Perth Congregational Church. Please donate via our JustGiving page here.

October 2024